The Tale of The Shepherd and The Golden Cabbage
by clarielparke
Summary: Written for Azula Week 2019. Prompt: Greek Goddesses AU. Rated M for Nudity.


Once upon a time, far away in a magical land, a young shepherd lay sleeping in the soothing shadow of a leafy oak. Emerald grass was his mattress, the azure skies his ceiling, softly whispering leaves his canopy. Gold threads of sunlight weaved their gossamer web above his head. Indeed, it was the kind of morning that bards across the ages have been known to set their alarm clocks early in order to partake of. However, the young man was fast asleep. Snoring lightly, shielding his eyes from the sunlight with a muscular arm, he twisted into a more comfortable position. Approaching across the verdant hill, three silhouettes stopped to gaze down at his incumbent form.

"Him? Oh, that's ridiculous. He's just some passed out drunk."

The tallest silhouette flipped her long arm like a lance, indicated the empty cactus bowl next to the snoring young man. Dark locks were spilling into his face, a slight trace of drool emitting from his mouth.

"Ooh! But he's cute! And tall! Just look at those wide shoulders! And those abs! Here, let me get a better view…"

The white clad figure approached, eyes wide with curiosity. She seemed to be focusing on the place where the shepherd's tunic had ridden up, revealing his crotch area.

A haughty voice stopped her short.

"Ha! I bet I could wake him up." The flicker of cobalt blue flames put the azure skies to shame. The third silhouette approached, only to stop and examine their joint object of interest. There was a small regal nod.

"He'll do."

A blue flame lashed out, singeing the grass inches from the young man's nose. Sneezing, he sat up, staring groggily at the three figures before him. Gradually, the dark silhouettes resolved into the image of three nubile young ladies, dressed in skimpy summer outfits. The shepherd grinned foolishly.

"Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a water flask on you? I seem to have lost…" He searched futilely for something at belt level.

A blue blaze whizzed past, barely missing his left ear.

"Rise and pay attention! You fool, don't you realize that you're in the presence of deities?"

The young man shook his head woozily, attempting to gather his ruined wolf's tail. The sunlight kept reflecting from the sharp prongs of the speaker's golden hairpiece, blinding him momentarily. He rubbed his slightly puffy eyes.

"You want me to kneel? Sorry, I'm having a bout of vertigo. By the Gorgon's head, remind me never to drink cactus juice again! That stuff's just…"

"Silence!" The speaker with the crown appeared to be some kind of authority. "You have been chosen by the Gods. As the sun rose over Mount Olympus this morning, my companions and I set out on a mission. We were tasked with posing a question to the first mortal we would meet. Although maybe we should test if you're really mortal first."

"Hey!" The shepherd jumped out of target range just in the nick of time. The blue flare missed him by a hair's breadth, scorching the leaves of an oak branch. The crowned goddess, if that was indeed what she was, smirked.

"Come on! Lugging this thing around is getting to be a real nuisance!" The tallest of the three deities reached out to indicate a golden sphere that suddenly materialized in her long slender hands. Held aloft like a shield, it rotated slowly, shooting gleaming sparks into the young man's eyes.

"Hey! Is that a… But a gold one? That has to weigh a ton!"

The tall goddess shot him a deadpan look. "You don't say. Regular genius we've got here, that's for sure."

"Here, you must be thirsty! I got you some refreshment." With a flick of her fingers, the white clad goddess made an iridescent flask appear in thin air. It twirled tantalizingly in front of the shepherd. He reached out automatically.

"NO! Just cut out the tricks, will you? Stop trying to bribe him. We haven't even posed the question yet!" Her companion hissed, bright golden eyes shooting angry sparks.

The young man sighed. Maybe if he complied with their odd request, they'd leave him alone to take a swim in the clear stream that trickled by downhill. By Tartarus, if he was lucky he might even get a date with one of them. Not that mortals usually survived more than one of those, but he was feeling reckless.

"I beg your pardon for being distracted. You were saying?" He nodded politely at the goddess with the crown hairpiece. The iridescent flask of drink vanished as instantly as it had appeared. However, the oddly ridged golden sphere kept revolving in front of the third goddess, shielding her partially from view. The young man noted idly that he'd never encountered goddesses in beachwear before.

"Last night, my brother, the King of Heaven…" The crowned deity frowned momentarily, then cleared her throat and resumed. "Last night, my esteemed brother, King of Heaven, Lord of Mount Olympus, the Wielder of Heavenly Fire, ruler of all beings mortal and immortal…" She broke off with a grimace. "Well, he threw a party. In order to celebrate a wedding, to be precise. The wedding of a goddess and a mortal, which is highly unsuitable and usually ends with all participants stranded as shades in Tartarus. Ahem. I mean, I had a bad feeling from the outset. That was even before the Cabbage Man appeared."

"A cabbage! Of course, that's what that is! May I have a look at it? Ow, that's heavy!"

The tallest goddess nodded stoically, handing him the shining object.

"He has accepted the task." She nodded decisively at her two companions. Meanwhile, the shepherd was examining the magical object avidly, running his hands over the sculpted leaves and admiring the way the sunlight reflected off its surfaces in sparks and glitter.

"This is beautiful!" He stared at the golden cabbage in awe.

The cold voice of the chief goddess cast him out of his reverie. "Yes. That's the whole point. It's all about beauty. Do you see the inscription?"

Frowning, the young man deciphered the whirling ridges:

TI KALLISTI

"To the most beautiful. But a cabbage? Where did this come from?"

The tallest goddess sighed wearily. "It shouldn't have appeared at all. Security at the event was rigorous. Except a disgruntled market vendor managed to unlawfully enter the party, disguised as a caterer. He claimed we were all responsible for destroying his business repeatedly over the years. A ridiculous claim, of course. But that golden cabbage is real. It holds true magic."

"Ooh! It was clearly intended for me! When it rolled into the hall, it stopped right at my feet." The white clad goddess shook her long plait flirtatiously, dimpling at the young man currently in possession of the object.

"NO it didn't! It bounced off that silver phallus statue and then landed in my lap! I know, I caught it!"

"Oh, you're always lying! It just rolled into the middle of the banquet hall and nobody dared touch it until Hades volunteered. I guess he has nothing to loose anyway."

The young shepherd regarded the bickering goddesses with a fascinated smile. There was no denying that they were all extremely attractive, each in her own particular way. Also, there was that peculiar air of magic and enchantment about them, making the air vibrate slightly with an iridescent shine, like the horizon on a particularly hot day. With the golden cabbage locked in a firm grasp, he stepped closer.

"Ladies, please! What am I supposed to do with this? And why me, of all people?"

The crowned goddess regarded him with fiery eyes. "You are the first mortal that we've met today. Indeed, the only one. It's up to you to choose." Meeting the uncomprehending sea blue gaze, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, for Heaven's sake! Don't be obtuse. You have to choose one of us. You know, who to give the cabbage to. TI KALLISTI! Who is the most beautiful?"

"Oh…" The young man recoiled slightly, regarding them warily.

"Listen, what happens if someone doesn't get picked? You retaliate?"

The white clad goddess dimpled and shrugged. "Not my problem!"

"You want me to provide you with the statistical probability of a given outcome? Why, certainly." The tall goddess regarded him with cool obsidian eyes.

"That's for me to know and you to find out. But it might get awfully hot." The crowned goddess winked at him, red lips smirking.

Panicking, the young shepherd forced his breathing back to normal.

_You are in control here! You're the one in charge! Now, just come up with something to distract them. Something to…"_

"I can't choose. I mean, not with all those clothes on. I need to see you naked."

"Watch it, mortal! Such a request has never before been uttered by any living man." The tall goddess narrowed her eyes.

"Ooh! Well, I think it's great idea! I for one have nothing to hide! I go swimming in the nude on Cyprus all the time. Here we go!"

Untying the strings of her white bikini top, the speaker shook her ample endowments slightly, then swiftly unbuttoned her short white gauzy skirt. Posing with her arms above her head, she jiggled her full pale, rosy tipped breasts at the goggle eyed young man. Then, she turned around and reached in front to touch her toes without any apparent effort. Blushing, the young man turned his head away from the sight of her plump buttocks and the heavenly delights that lay between them.

Turning, the naked goddess struck a pose that emphasised her hourglass figure and shot him a wide grin. "Well? Impressed? I am after all the goddess of love and beauty. I'm sorry I can't offer you a date with me in the bargain. My husband's frightfully jealous. But as compensation, I'll give you the love of the most beautiful woman in the world! She'll be yours for the taking."

Stunned, the young shepherd shook his head to clear it. He had retrieved the leather string used for his hair, and was scraping it back to tie it in its usual wolf tail style.

"My… Milady, I thank you. You are indeed beautiful enough to make birds sing and flowers bloom. However…" Emboldened, he directed his gaze at the tallest goddess.

"Milady, would you be so kind? I think I need to…" He shot her an apologetic glance.

"What a surprise." The long obsidian eyes narrowed under sleek black bangs. Languidly, almost nonchalantly, the goddess unclasped her red strapless top at the back and let it fall, then stepped out of her tight red drawers. The young man gasped at the sight of her. Undressed, she was as white as snow or alabaster, with small but perfectly curved breasts, long graceful limbs and the merest trace of soft black hair outlining her sex. She twirled slowly before him, then almost knocked him off his feet with a silver flash from her long eyes.

"Okay. Enough with the games. I sense that behind that hangover drool, somewhere you've managed to hide a brain. Not just that, but you have warrior ambitions." She indicated the boomerang hanging from his belt with a slight nod. "Well, if you pick me, I will increase you knowledge by a thousandfold. You'll be the wiliest, wisest and most cunning man the world has ever known. Also, I will give you a weapon that will increase your battle skills beyond your every dream. That is my promise."

"Wow. Just…" He collected himself hastily. "Milady. I thank you deeply for your offer." He bowed awkwardly, averting his eyes. Then, he straightened.

"Now…" His eyes strayed to the crowned goddess, starting as he met her golden ones. She was fingering her chin, regarding him with a haughty smirk.

"Looking for me, peasant? Here I am."

The shepherd blanched significantly underneath his tan. Staring at her, he reached out and made a vague gesture.

"Would you please…" Words failed him.

The goddess rolled her great fiery eyes skyward.

"Oh really! You are aware that you're addressing the Queen of Heaven, right?"

The young man lowered his gaze obsequiously. However, he was emboldened by the sideways glances at the other two naked goddesses, striking various poses to showcase their beauty and impress him.

"I am aware of that, Milady. Very much so. However, I feel like it would create a biased choice if I were to compare you to your rivals in… in their current state. They may have an unfair advantage."

"By Charon's paddle! I could smite you with the Bolt of Heaven! I hope you are aware of that!"

"Oh, relax! Just get naked and have some fun in the sun! It's just a joke, you know! Besides, I'm the obvious winner, aren't I?" The curvy goddess of love and beauty jiggled her heavy orbs and winked at the shepherd, caressing a plump buttock. Next to her, the taller goddess seemed to be conjuring objects out of pure space, and was currently assuming a nude fighting stance with a long shiny black sword. The shepherd drew a deep breath and directed an insistent stare at the crowned goddess.

"Milady! If you please? I really can't make a seasoned judgement unless I can compare all of you."

"All right. I'm cursing your seed to Tartarus for this."

Turning her back on him, she unhooked the tiny scarlet and gold bralet top. Next came the flimsy matching scarlet skirt. Turning around, she nonchalantly displayed a set of firm, unexpectedly large and perfectly round breasts, a flat belly with well-toned abs, long athletic legs and small firm buttocks. Shooting the young judge a challenging gold glance, she untied the crown hairpiece from her topknot and shook out her long black tresses. The contrast with the pure pale skin was stunning.

"There. Like what you see? Well, as my competitors have offered bribes into the bargain, I'll sink to their level even though it pains me. If you choose me, I'll make sure you'll get to rule your own kingdom. Not a small joke of a thing, but the real deal. You'll get to decide the rules. You'll get to care and provide for your citizens. You'll be required to join in international politics in order to maintain or even further your domain. The choice is yours."

She approached him slowly, amber eyes burning. The young shepherd's eyes were firmly locked to her breasts, specifically her nipples, which were rosy and erect. As if on cue the other two goddesses approached him, both getting as close as the first. His head was whirling. He stumbled back, then forced himself to assume a fighting stance.

"Well then. You're all remarkably, stunningly beautiful. I've never seen anyone on earth who might compare to any of you. You've all offered me priceless gifts. There's nothing there I wouldn't want. But…"

"But?" Three pairs of eyes, one bright gold, the other slate grey, the third obsidian black, regarded him searchingly. The shepherd took a deep breath, then hurtled out into deep space.

"As an addition, I'd like a date with whomever I pick. Some alone time, away from eyes human or divine. Time to introduce secret knowledge, or time to… well, personal time."

"Why certainly! What use is getting to know humans unless you interact with them? You may steal a few hours of my time, mortal! And don't forget, the most beautiful woman in the whole world will be yours as well!" The goddess of love and beauty pinched her nipple teasingly and blew him a kiss.

Next to her, the goddess of war and wisdom conducted a perfect backwards somersault, the gleaming black sword in her hands lashing out in an impossibly quick move. Her white limbs flashed, clean and smooth. "I'll use the time to introduce you to the mysteries, never fear. A personal lesson in strategy, tactic and martial arts. What are you waiting for? Chose me."

The goddess of Heaven approached him, her bright gold eyes on fire. Her black hair was wild and tousled, her nipples still erect. With a tantalizing smirk, she handed the young man the golden object in her hand.

"Here. I offer you a crown. And the chance to spend unsupervised time with me, away from prying eyes. I'll teach you the secrets of power. Not just of this world, but over yourself. I'll show you how to achieve anything and to always surpass yourself. Just take my offer."

The young shepherd sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes, the three figures where still there, staring at him expectantly. Somehow, he'd assumed they would be gone. He nodded.

"All right. I thank all of you for placing your faith in me to pick the right choice. It is a highly difficult one, since I really crave and desire that which all of you offer. Indeed, don't take offence, but I think somehow this is a creation of my own mind, in order to make me choose a path in life." He ignored the sneers and protests.

"That's one of the reasons why I asked to spend some time alone with the goddess of my choice. Maybe it will persuade me that this hasn't all been a dream. Meanwhile…"

He opened his eyes to the sight of the three silhouettes in the green glade.

"Meanwhile…"

"I choose you. You are the most beautiful of goddesses. Indeed, you are the most beautiful woman in the whole world."

He reached out and handed the Queen of Heaven the golden cabbage. Momentarily, her eyes widened in surprise. She cradled the golden object against her bare bosom, pushing her long black tresses out of her face. Next to her the goddess of love and beauty made a mock grimace while the goddess of war and wisdom shrugged.

"Dear shepherd. You have chosen wisely. Indeed, I do believe your choice has managed to prevent a war, at least for the time being. From now on, luck and fortune will follow in your footsteps. Don't forget to visit my temple to bring offerings and pay homage. I will appear to you there."

Miraculously, all of them were dressed and leaving. The young man reached out helplessly.

"But… But! When do I get to spend time to you? What happens now?"

Attaching her crown, the Goddess of Heaven turned back to shoot him an enigmatic smile.

"What happens happens. I will return to fulfil my promise before the next Summer Solstice. In the meantime, here's a friend to keep you company and serve as covenant."

There was a tiny but perceptible flicker of light. The shepherd blinked, adjusting his eyes. When he opened them again, he was reclining against the oak trunk. Also, all his clothes were missing.

_By the flames of Tartarus!_

He was up in a flash, staring wildly around him. Which is how he encountered the bird.

"CAA-AW! CAA-AW!" Preening, it flashed its large fan of tail feathers at him in proud display. The shimmering green and blue eyes stared at him. Reaching out, he hoped the creature wouldn't attack.

"Here, nice birdie! Aw, good birdie! Oh, you're hungry? Well, I may have some nuts and seeds back at the cabin. Now, you wouldn't happen to know where my clothes… Oh, what's that?"

Leaning forward, he allowed the peacock to open its beak and drop a gold key into his hands.

* * *

The King of Heaven scoffed. "Well, I wouldn't say you cheated, but it's a close call. Also, as a matter of fact you weren't supposed to win. I mean, who turns down the love of the most beautiful woman on Earth? A cursed fool, if you ask me!"

Reclining on a divan, robed in cloth of gold and silver, his sister sipped a cup of honeyed wine and smiled enigmatically.

"That would be someone who managed to secure a date with the Queen of Heaven, brother! Oh, what's the matter? Did I manage to foil your little plan to create war and mayhem? Well, don't worry. Humans are nothing if not consistent. There will always be another cabbage."

THE END


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